The St. Conleth’s Maths Department keeps going from strength-to-strength: First, the fantastic LC and JC results last August and September. Then, the awesome Inspector’s Report in December. And soon afterwards, the reported (but yet to be confirmed) sighting of some HL Maths boys actually talking to unrelated girls on Baggott Street at lunchtime. Now, the news is just in that the St. Conleth’s Maths Team has finished fifth in a field of over fifty teams at the Irish Maths Olympiad. Richard Hogan, a Maths kid himself but one also good at verbal communication, takes up the tale, giving us a meticulous report on last Friday’s exciting events:
06:50 PM- Simon ‘CosAndTan’ Ghose is still having issues with his iPhone: Siri is warning that Rathdown School is too far beyond the pale of the D4tress. Deciding to go on the cunning skills of Arithmetic Alo, they draw up plans based on the geometric plane of South Dublin. They set off with ‘Call Me Maybe’ blaring from the speakers of the Lexus with ‘Eriochrome Black T’ Gleeson in control of the tunes. Meanwhile ‘Hypothesis’ Hogan and ‘Prime’ Paddy are quickly ingesting their pizzas. Sean ‘‘I’d Rather Be At Home’’ Roche is swaggering his way to the Glenageary Girls School. ‘Functions’ Finn is being led by his band of cheerleaders and ‘’I’m Also Good With The Arts’’ Philip is dropped off by his supporting actresses.
07:35 PM- After five minutes of discussing Newton’s views on relativity and arguing how string theory is more logical, they quickly blow their noses, wipe their glasses and tuck in their shirts. The Mathematical SCT is ready to crunch numbers and prove by induction that St. Conleth’s can add as well as tackle.
Round one starts- minor skirmishes between Alo and Hogan over the chain rule die off.
Finally, round 6 ends- A wave of perspiration and B.O. passes through the hall and all 200 students fast walk to the refreshments aisle. The Twixes were first to go, followed by the Coke. The peaking levels of acrimony between the students was unnoticed due to everyone’s inability to empathise.
At this moment Conleth’s A were in 3rd on 8 points. Conleth’s B were slacking behind and even their attention was now on the A team.
The final rounds (7-8) involved slow arduous problems, seeming incomprehensible to most. Team A managed to salve 3 points out of the rounds to finish up on a very respectable 11 points, but it wasn’t enough to hold onto the podium spot, with High School (whom we recently embarrassed in rugby), Belvedere and St.Gerard’s taking gold, silver and bronze respectively. The Conlethians had finished a commendable 5th. Their disappointment was quickly evaded when they observed, and I quote, that ‘’The winning teams need maths as they have nothing else going for them.’’ Maybe if it were a competition based on a combination of swagger and Maths they would have claimed 1st!
Afterwards, to toast their bravery and fortitude on the Mathematical plane and to drown their sorrows, Ghose shuttled the battle-hardened squad to Burger King for a bittersweet meal of cylindrical segment burgers and cuboid chips, for Finn’s cheerleaders had disappeared into the night with the young High School Einsteins.